Interesting thread Frank. While I currently don't feel interested in spirituality, many times in the past I found myself wondering and asking myself why I couldn't be like those "strong" ones. I mean even certain "worldly" people had that same zeal. I didn't.
No matter what I seemed to try, I never, just as you expressed it, ate, slept, and breathed the "truth".
Perhaps it was never really in my heart.
And amazingly enough, I shared the same feelings as leavingwt while I served at Bethel.
Yet now I actually feel at peace.
CoC